Arowana

By Elisabeth Adams
(Source: Boundless)

Dear Pollyanna¹ ,

Life stinks for us, and we find it really annoying that you're so cheerful all the time. Are you actually glad about everything? Or do you just have a really easy life?

Sincerely,
your friends

* * *

Dear God,

I'm tired of being Pollyanna. It's lonely inside this cheerful bubble. Could You do something about it?

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear Derrick,

Remember the lunchtime drama in our one-room schoolhouse when we were about 16? I'd sit at one end of the table, my head full of books, bread-baking and my baby brothers. You'd sit at the other end and try to catch me in some chirpy remark, so you could pounce on it and begin an argument. Now, of course, I realize that you were wrestling with the eternal verities of life, death and diabetes. Though I'm sure you weren't looking for sympathy from me, I'm sorry I was so plastic and perky. I can't help hoping, however, that you got a bang out teasing me. It was the least I could do.

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear Uncle Lloyd,

Remember my conviction, when I was 17, that God would heal you of cancer? I'll never forget the week when He took you home instead: Heaven was as real and as near the things I could see, like a low-lying cloud of glory. If it were up to me, I'd rather have you here ... but we weren't the ones doing the choosing, were we?

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear John,

I'm only writing this letter in my head, because I don't want to hurt you. But honestly, I don't understand why you insist on viewing this as a tragedy. Yes, Annie seems to be wandering far from her beloved Jesus, but in His mind the story isn't over yet. He is all about making beauty out of ashes. But what am I thinking? If I'd had the privilege of being her friend for as long as you have, my pain might be drowning my hope, too. I wish I'd listened more gently to you today.

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear self,

So you woke up Puddleglum² this morning! I know it only happens to you about twice a year on average, but plenty of people deal with depression every single day. You'll get better at it, when you've had more practice. If your faith calisthenics feel more like bench pressing, it's a good thing. It builds spiritual muscle. Try quoting Scripture to yourself and praying. Not better? Get up, read some Bible, and eat breakfast. Still not better? Keep your eyes peeled for sparrows³ , and try not to take your litany of disaster too seriously.

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear suffering church,

It's hard for me to even hear about all the things you're going through; I can't imagine actually experiencing them! A 13-year-old girl raped in Bangladesh. A young father murdered in Gaza. While here in the West, we find suffering strange, you know all about death, disease and persecution. It's approval, prosperity and ease that are strange to you. We may be wise in the ways of the world; you are gaining wisdom in the school of suffering. I'm humbled by your example.

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear Elisabeth Elliot,⁴

Certainly you've joined the saints and martyrs in the fellowship of Jesus' sufferings,⁵ but I've been hanging back on the fringes, feeling like a junior member of the club. Thanks for letting me know that suffering is not so mysterious, that it's just "having something you don't want, or wanting something that you don't have.” If you're right, then we're all in the school of suffering. Well, I've got a few disappointments and a few responsibilities that chafe like a hair shirt. I'll consider them essential preparation for the curriculum that lies ahead.

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear God,

It's true that I was tired of being imprisoned inside my Pollyanna bubble. Certainly, I wanted to learn how to weep with those that weep. But I didn't mean for You to teach me that way. I thought You were going to do it by testing me, not somebody I love. But one day, in the middle of a football game on a grassy lawn, You tapped my 22-year-old friend Andrew on the shoulder. "Come home," You said, and just like that, Andrew was gone. In that moment, the invisible summons had arrived for his parents and his sweetheart to join the fellowship of Your suffering. In that moment, You breached the bubble of my selfishness, and my heart hurt, simply because theirs did.

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear "Uncle" Dave, "Aunt" Pat, and Melissa,

When your Andrew died, I was afraid to get too close, lest I brush clumsily against your lacerated hearts. But when you humbly made room for me and others to bear your pain, your suffering really did bring fellowship! Uncle Dave, I'll never forget the morning you thanked me with tears in your eyes for the written tribute I’d been too shy to give you personally. Aunt Pat, I feel so honored that you allow me to keep remembering Andrew with you: the funny things, the small things, and the great ones alike. And Melissa, you radiated the hope of heaven when you were walking through hell, and I saw that even there, the consolations of God are not too small.⁶

Dear Job,

Thanks for the book: It's becoming my handbook these days. Remember how you began a litany of disaster and your friends jumped in to help you solve bereavement, bankruptcy and boils? I can totally see why, instead of being soothed, you got more and more agitated, finally complaining, “Guys, why are you taking my ranting seriously? I'm suffering, remember?"

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear self,

Let's make sure we're talking truth here. This is not nothing; it hurts. Being stoic, simply waiting for time to pass, or busying yourself with other things won't make the pain go away. God designed your body to flinch instinctively away from a hot stove; when your heart hurts, do you instinctively run to Him?

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear God,

What's up? I had no idea that heartache could be literal, but it is. I'm hurting — a lot — and I really don't understand what you're doing right now. It sure seems like You didn't give Job a straight answer about his suffering, and now You're not talking to me about it, either. All I can think of are those renovations we've been doing at a friend's house. I search the walls for patches of crumbling plaster and flaking paint, and pound, scrape and pry, raining dust and debris all over the floor, and leaving gaping holes behind. Only later does someone sweep up the rubble, fill the holes, and transform those walls with fresh paint. So much has to be torn down so that house can finally reach its full potential. So much has to be torn down so I can grow into the woman You created me to be. I've got bitterness, self-pity and fear raining down all over the place! Can we done be with this soon — please?

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear Larissa, Kristy and Marie,

I would never wish you a sweetheart in a coma, only 10 weeks with your new husband, or a marriage that crumbles to divorce in less than a year. But oh, how thankful I am that in the mercies of God I know you now. Your pain puts mine in perspective. My pain reminds me to carry you in my heart, day after day and week after week.

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Dear God,

It's me again. I used to be the happiest person I know. I still am, down there in my heart somewhere, but while You're digging me out again, I'm having trouble coming up with words worth sharing. Instead, I take my camera and set out in search of You — and I keep bumping into small stuff. Tiny sparrows with markings in khaki, cream and cinnamon. The first anemone, clear noon sunlight glowing through its translucent scarlet petals until it hardly looks real, it's so beautiful.

Are You trying to tell me something?

Sincerely,
Pollyanna

* * *

Beloved Pollyanna,

I've been paying attention to those sparrows and flowers, too.

I hear you. (So keenly).

I see you. (In such detail).

I have so much hope and so many good plans for you! There's no way I'm going to neglect you into being a spoiled child. So don't be amazed and bewildered at this fiery ordeal, as though something strange were happening to you. Where you are, I am. Without respite.

I know you have questions. I'm giving you the same answer I gave Job: Myself.

Sincerely,
God

* * *

NOTES

1. A character from Eleanor H. Porter's novels and a movie starring Hayley Mills: a girl who always finds something to be glad about.
2. A character from C. S. Lewis's Narnia series: a weedy sort of fellow who always expects the worst.
3. Matthew 10:29-31
4. Elisabeth Elliot has been widowed twice. Her first husband, Jim Elliot, was killed by Auca Indians, to whom he was bringing the gospel. She lost her second husband, Addison Leitch, to cancer.
5. Philippians 3:10
6. Job 15:11

"I remember growing up, there was a honeysuckle bush that grew on my houses fence.  My friend, Stephanie Davis and I would sit against the fence and suck the honesuckle and talk about boys, Amy Grant, and solve the worlds problems as much as any 11 year old could.

Life was good.

I remember riding my bike down by the pond at the end of the block and tempting fate while riding “Devils Ditch”.  I remember feeling invincible and scared all at the same time.

Life was good.

I remember going to my middle school banquet with Matthew Caldwell and sitting on the front porch swing in my blue Taffeta dress and my 80s hairdo.  I remember wanting so bad for him to hold my hand on that swing, and when he did I nearly passed out.

Life was good.

I wish that I could go back to those days, I wish that I could have that carefree spirit. I wish that I could go back and be that innocent again.

Why is it that we, as adults, get so caught up in our every day life that we forget how good life is? Why is it that we fight, argue, bicker about things like who the next President will be that we forget that God is still in control. He knew that I would fall down the “Devils Ditch”, He knew that Stephanie would lose her brother the next year to a drowning at the YMCA, He knew that Matthew Caldwell would not be my knight in shining armor much to my dismay… because he was in those tomorrows. Yet he still held all of our hearts.

He is in this tomorrow to. He knew who the next President would be before there was time.  He is already there.  Whether it be McCain or Obama, He is not shocked nor is he alarmed. He is not going to be thrown off his throne over the outcome.

He is still God.

And life is still good."(HT: Especially Heather)

Here are all the things that have been happening to me recently:

- i got offered a job
- i was struggling with pride and feeling distant from God, but i was secure in the promise of Hebrews 13:5-6... "i will never leave you, nor forsake you" :D
- we had a great day getting all our pedestrian counting data
- i had a great chat with one of my friends
- my old friend from intermediate reminded me of the time i sang gloria gaynor's 'i will survive' in assembly and how my shoe came off when i did a kick or a spin or something (lol)
- i was encouraged by my knowledgeable lecturer and he made my motivation for study and enjoyment for learning come back - and i'm going to do the best i can for this assignment and rejoice in the Lord for it! because living things are His creation, and how wonderful and complex it is!
- i was able to have a closer relationship and understanding with one of my friends - we're more similar than we thought!
- i was discouraged and only focusing on the bad things and fears, but my dad reminded me of all the good things and blessings i've received so far! i'm so glad he was there and for our relationship!
- i had such a great group for urban design
- i was able to get so much finished last night at uni
- God kept me safe when waiting at a lonely bus stop with a few people at 10pm at night, and He looked after me again and kept me safe when it was all dark and cold near the highland park stop!
- kim came to our house!
- i was able to read some more of 'be diligent' by warren wiersbe and learnt that God's view is suffering that turns into glory, while satan's view is glory without suffering; moreover that he who is greatest shall be least and serve, and how God is glorified when we show faith in him - and that we must be like little children who are humbly dependent on God and trust Him, asking Him for everything that He promises by trust :)
- i was discouraged this morning how the house was messy, but dad encouraged me - i'm so grateful! and so fickle! lol! - and i got to tidy the master bed and the kitchen sink

i'm grateful for God's faithfulness to all-ways keeping me.  even when i wander He is the one who is responsible and takes good care of His sheep. 

He truly has proven to me these last few days how He will "never leave me nor forsake me", and how precious His word is, and how it just cuts through all the lies/worries/doubt/fear.  He is fair and good and faithful, even, if not especially, when i am weak...
 

Worries: Money, direction, studies, witness, time management, laziness, other people, myself, ripped relationships, my future, everyone's future, fatness, tidiness, bad habits, regrets and berating, looking at my circumstances and my own weaknesses

Truth: "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8
- Ask John Piper: How do you keep from getting discouraged ...?

Today I went to see two people at a building in the city about a job interview.  It was great.  I was a bit nervous at first but they were so nice and open that I really enjoyed the whole thing.  Well, 'being nervous before the interview' is a bit of an understatement.  I felt so much dread it was like a '10lb boulder in my stomach' kind of dread.  I had to seriously remind myself of the truth revealed in the Bible - that I shouldn't fear man but God, my Saviour, my Creator, the one who protects me, upholds justice, and is infinitely compassionate.

I've been thinking lately what it would be like if my parents passed away.

You see, recently I've been eating dinner with Mum a lot, and she's so dear and sweet to me.  She is so lovely and kind in her own quiet way.  I enjoy eating her dinners simply because she was the one who cooked it for me, and I really appreciate the love and effort that she put into it, for me (and her, but still).  I love her very much and today when I was walking up Victoria Street, I wondered how I would act at her funeral.  I'd cry, certainly, seeing her body in the coffin, thinking it has been well-used and well done, and so grateful that God gave my mum to me.  In the wake of others who have had so many harsh things happen to them (from the experience of my friends in recent years as well as after a new 60-Minutes-induced eye-opening experience about murder, rape and cannabalism in Sierra Leone, and cyber bullying) what have I to complain about, blessings which I have richly received so far beyond what I deserve.

The blessings of having parents, my dear sister; having the 'hidden blessing' of a 'lonely' primary school experience which made me both geeky and compassionate; being able to meet so many interesting and fascinating, real people during primary, intermediate and secondary; enjoying such loving, tender, truthful and closest members of my Church family; having such awesome friends at University who are so encouraging, diligent, excellent influences on me and so, so sweet and lovely to me every day... what have I done to deserve these?  Nothing.  I am richly blessed far beyond what I deserve and God, you have just been so kind to bring these people into existence and to bring us into each others' lives..

I might sleep soon and wake earlier tomorrow to get work done just because it's been so hectic, what with all sorts of personal issues, university stresses and more.  I want to do everything but it's probably better for me to focus on just a few.

I am so grateful that I'm alive.  I love being alive and knowing my God who always looks after me and is so close and shares all my experiences with me and keeps me onto the right track and brings me back whenever I go off.  If anyone deserves the glory, it's him.

My cute 13-year-old penpal sent me the most adorable letter.  Five pages! I will have to do my best to match it ;)

Finally, I leave you with a thoughtful quote from Ray Ortlund:

You know, I think this post basically sums up what I think about Worship. :) The deep joy, the high joy, starts with know who God truly is and then the implications of what it means for your life.  I guess there's a reason why the Psalms don't have music scores to them! Because the central part of it is objective knowledge... what the credible source of the bible says about God (after all, it's the only book supported by such incredible historical, archaeological, physical and scientific evidence... ;))

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Worshiping Your Feelings (The Blazing Center)

Posted: 25 Apr 2008 05:00 AM CDT

Have you ever had one of those Sunday mornings where you just didn’t feel like singing? You know the kind I’m talking about. You had an exhausting week, your Bible reading was sketchy, and you had an argument with a family member on the way to church. You don’t feel close to God and you certainly don’t feel like singing. Then Mr. Smiley Man Worship Leader stands up at the front and encourages everyone to lift a “joyful song” to the Lord, and you want to walk up there and give him a swift slap in the face. Then the music starts, and you’re painfully aware that you really don’t feel like singing. I’ve been there. Maybe you’re in that place right now.

Let me encourage you to do something different this Sunday. When the singing starts, don’t let your first question be, How do I feel about what I’m singing? That’s the wrong place to start when it comes to worship. The first question should be, What is the truth about God?

For example, when you sing -

Before the throne of God above, I have a strong and perfect plea

- don’t start with an evaluation of your feelings. This truth you are singing has absolutely nothing to do with your feelings. If you’re a Christian you have a glorious savior, a mighty redeemer, and a strong and perfect plea in Jesus Christ. All your sins are washed away and you can approach God himself with complete confidence. You have a place reserved for you in heaven. And all this has absolutely nothing to do with how you feel!

Now I need to be careful here. Feelings are essential in worship. Worship without feeling doesn’t honor God. But feelings aren’t the starting place for worship. Glorious truth about God is the starting place for worship, and is what creates true feeling in our heart. As John Piper puts it in his book Desiring God, “The fuel of worship is a true vision of the greatness of God…”

So when the singing starts this Sunday, don’t immediately do an inward evaluation of how you feel at that moment. Rather, engage your mind with the glorious truths that you’re singing and ask God to give you a true vision of his greatness. Ask God to open your eyes to see his glory, and ask him to kindle deep, God-honoring emotion in your heart. Start with the truth and your feelings will follow.

Just listening to these songs makes me tear up, for some reason..

Plumb: "In My Arms", "My Sweet, My Lovely"